Why the "I" Hesitates to Love: The Fear of Expressing Love
In my previous post, we looked at the silence of being unloved and the power found in making others feel noticed. It sounds simple on paperjust reach out, just notice, just express.
But as I sit in my room in Chennai, listening to the city hum outside, I realize it is rarely that easy. There is a specific, cold friction that happens the moment we decide to show care.
The "I" hesitates.
We feel the impulse to say something kind, to offer a hand, or to admit someone matters to usand then, a quiet gate slams shut. We stay silent. We stay in our "nuclear reactor," keeping the pressure inside.
Why?
The Vulnerability of Being Seen
When we "notice" someone, we aren't just looking at them; we are stepping out from behind our own curtain. To express love is to admit that you have a need. It is to say, "I value you," which also implies, "Your opinion of me matters."
In psychology, we might look at this as a defense mechanisma way to protect the ego from the "poverty" of rejection. If I never express love, I can never be told that my love isn't wanted. The "I" chooses the safety of the desert over the risk of the ocean.
The Mirror Reflects Both Ways
I called the act of noticing "The Power of the Mirror." But mirrors are terrifying because they reflect everything.
If I make you feel noticed, I am suddenly aware that you are noticing me too. The observer is now being observed. For many of us, this is where the fear lives. We are comfortable watching the world from the window, but we are terrified of the world looking back at us through the glass.
The Weight of the "Express"
Sometimes the hesitation isn't about the other person at all. It's about the weight of the word "Love." We have been taught that expressing love must be a grand, heavy, or permanent thing.
But what if we reframe it? What if expressing love is simply the courage to break the silence?
It is the risk of a "Good morning" to a stranger.
It is the vulnerability of telling a friend, "I'm glad you're here."
It is the act of choosing to be "seen" in your kindness rather than staying hidden in your safety.
The Cost of the Hesitation
The tragedy of the "I" hesitating is that it creates the very poverty it fears. By staying silent to protect ourselves, we ensure that the world remains a silent place.
If we are all waiting for someone else to move first, we all end up standing still.
A Thought to Carry
Think of a moment today where you felt a "leak" of carea small impulse to make someone feel noticedand you held it back.
What was the gate that slammed shut? Was it the fear of their reaction, or the fear of your own vulnerability?
The "I" might hesitate, but it doesn't have to stay still. Maybe the first step to breaking the poverty of being unloved is not just noticing others... but having the courage to let ourselves be noticed in return.
In the next part of our journey, we will look at "The Mask of the Ego"how the stories we tell ourselves about who we are actually keep us from connecting with who we want to be.